


Hiraeth

by Mansaeboysbe



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup AU, F/M, Sorta fluffy at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 10:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16173044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mansaeboysbe/pseuds/Mansaeboysbe
Summary: After a huge fight, you broke up with your boyfriend of four years, Jihoon. A month later you return in search of something, but it may not be what you originally thought.





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> -Admin Bee

You couldn’t help but wonder if you were making a terrible decision as the bittersweet familiarity sunk in, the one that came with seeing the dorm building you’d once frequented come into view. It had been almost a month since you’d gone through the front entrance, the man sitting at the front desk waving you through with a smile because he remembered you. Oh, if only he knew. He hadn’t been working the night you left, the night you swore you would never come back.

Well, look at me now, you thought as the elevator closed behind you. The ride up was quick- one advantage to living in a nice apartment building was the updated amenities that came with it. In the past, you’d always praised the short duration, but today you just dreaded it.

When the elevator stopped on the sixth floor, you had to force your feet forward into the hallway. It was now or never. As you stepped up to the familiar door, you hesitated in knocking, wondering if you should just forget your sweater and go home. Despite the passage of time, your heart still ached at the sight of the place that had once meant so much. But before you could make a decision, the door swung open and a very surprised Mingyu stared back at you.

“(Y/N),” he blinked, “is everything okay?”

You nod, “I think I left my favorite sweater here and I’ve got a tough interview on Monday, so…” you trailed off to pick at your nails. He hesitated for a moment, throwing a look over his shoulder before he stepped back to allow you entrance into the dorm.

Everything was exactly the same as you remembered it, save for the six boys squished together on the couch in front of the TV. Seungcheol and Chan were both holding controllers, entirely immersed in the game on the screen while Joshua, Wonwoo, Seokmin, and Minghao watched, just as intrigued as the players. Mingyu cleared his throat to get their attention and when they turned around, all six pairs of eyes immediately fell to you.

“Uh, Y/N’s here.”

On the TV behind them, both Chan and Seungcheol’s players ran their carts into a wall, both falling to dead last in the racing game. It wasn’t until the game made a beep that Seungcheol snapped out of staring at you to actually pause it.

“What are you doing here?” Seokmin asked, paling a little when you winced, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, Seok. I think I might have left my favorite sweater here and I just came to get it.”

The boy nodded but gave no answer, the room falling into awkward silence until someone else spoke up.

“I’ll go look,” Seungcheol jumped up from the couch and tossed his controller to Minghao. You stepped back to give him a clear path to the hallway despite the more than ample enough room between you and while he looked hurt, he didn’t say anything as he disappeared into the room he shared with Jihoon.

“I’m headed to the store,” Mingyu said, jingling the keys in his hand. He started toward the door, pausing before opening it, “Uh, it was nice seeing you again, Y/N.”

“It was nice to see you too, Gyu.” You shyly waved.

There was another moment of silence after Mingyu shut the door behind him where no one in the room quite knew what to do or say. Chan looked like he was having a moral dilemma on his end of the couch, fiddling with the game control and glancing between it and the paused screen. Seokmin was still wallowing in embarrassment from earlier. Even Minghao looked a little uncomfortable. You were deep in a self-loathing fit for ever coming back when Joshua spoke up.

“Y/N, how are you?”

When you looked up, it was clear from Joshua’s expression that he wasn’t asking for the sake of small talk. He’d been one of the people who were there the last time you’d left their shared dorm, he’d even followed you out into the hallway with Soonyoung until you’d screamed at them to leave you alone and left without looking back.

“I, well- I’ve been better, honestly.”

Joshua nodded in understanding and Seokmin made a tiny hum of acknowledgment, finally looking back up at you.

“Did you just come back for the sweater?” It was Minghao’s turn to speak and the unexpected implication made your face flush.

Joshua was about to say something but you stopped him with a shake of your head, “I have an interview on Monday and I really want to wear that sweater.”

“An interview?” Joshua perked up, “You mean you heard back from-” he stopped, breaking out into a grin when the small smile slipped onto your face.

“Yep. They called me a couple of weeks ago and said my resume made it to one of their top executives. I might actually have a shot.”

“Y/N, that’s amazing!” Joshua stood and made his way over to you, suddenly wrapping you into a hug. You laughed at his eagerness but accepted the embrace regardless, “You’ll do great, I know it.”

“Thank you, I’m excited. And nervous.”

“Is that the one you told us about last year?” Chan asked and you nodded, “Congratulations, Jihoon must be excited too.”

You froze. Joshua noticed immediately and shot a glare in Chan’s direction, but you smoothed your hand over his arm to ease him off of the maknae.

“I haven’t gotten the chance to tell him,” you admitted. It wasn’t like you’d been actively trying to keep the information from him, quite the opposite really. After you got off the phone with the woman who set up the interview, your first instinct was to call Jihoon to tell him of the huge news. He’d been the one to encourage you to send your resume into the company you’d been dreaming of working at in the first place. He’d be excited but it was one moment of hesitance that brought reality crashing back into you. You had put your phone down instead.

“We should celebrate!” Seokmin interjected, sitting forward on the couch, “We’ve missed having you around the house.”

“I don’t know… I don’t want to impose-”

Preoccupied with trying to convince Seokmin that you really didn’t want to be a bother, you didn’t even notice the shuffling coming from outside the front door until it was starting to open.

“I bet Mingyu forgot his wallet,” Minghao commented, making everyone turn toward the door as it began to open. But it wasn’t Mingyu coming back. Instead, in stepped Seungkwan, animatedly discussing something with someone behind him until he turned and made eye contact with you.

Seungkwan opened his mouth to say something but before he got the chance, someone pushed him forward into the room.

“Don’t just stop in the doorway, Seungkwan,” Vernon complained, slipping past the older boy, “Oh, hey, Y/N,” he said, completely unfazed by your unannounced presence, simply setting his bag down by the door and wandering into the kitchen. You looked back to Seungkwan but he was now staring as the rest of the group stepped in from the hallway. Soonyoung looked shocked like Seungkwan had, but he quickly replaced it with his usual bright, albeit a little fake, smile. He glanced behind him and carefully stepped out of the way, revealing Jeonghan. And of course, Jihoon.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“I think I might have left a sweater here and I need it for Monday.” Jeonghan had been the one who asked but you couldn’t seem to look anywhere besides Jihoon, “Seungcheol went looking for it.”

Jeonghan placed his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder, “What’s going on Monday?”

“I have an interview.”

“For Motif?” Even though you’d been staring right at him, when Jihoon spoke, it still took you by surprise. You managed a small nod, which he reciprocated, “Congratulations.”

Seungkwan suddenly stepped forward, saving you from the awkward silence you knew was coming, “How long has Seungcheol been looking for your sweater?”

You glanced toward the time being displayed on the television screen, “Maybe ten minutes?”

“I’ll go help him look,” he offered, but instead of going to the hallway, he took Jihoon’s arm and pulled him forward. Jihoon looked like he wanted to protest, but you knew he had a soft spot for the boy.

“Hyung, I think this would be a good opportunity to talk some things out while I go help Seungcheol look for Y/N’s sweater.”

A shiver of panic shot down your spine as you waited for Jihoon’s response. He leered at Seungkwan for a moment, the two locked in a staring battle of pride, but in the end, the younger’s stubbornness won and Jihoon gave in with a sigh.

If being in your ex-boyfriends living room surrounded by his best friends was painfully awkward, being alone in his home studio was excruciatingly worse. Seungkwan, with the help of Joshua, all but had to push the two of you into the room, a promise to return once he’d found your sweater thrown over his shoulder as he shut the door behind him.

The silence of the room was deafening, yet the roar of your pounding heart surely filled the empty air. You tried distracting yourself by looking anywhere but the side of the room Jihoon was, who was looking just as awkward as you felt. It was then you noticed the setup of the room had changed.

“You redecorated.” Jihoon looked up at your comment, following your gaze to the desk where his main computer spread was, “The Kyoya figurine is gone.”

“Ah,” he nodded, “Soonyoung pushed it off of the desk and broke it. Figures he’d break his own gift.” The figurine had been a joke gift Soonyoung got him for Christmas two years ago, part of the ceaseless teasing Jihoon endured for being a fan of Ouran. You’d taken part in it to, though Jihoon got his revenge on your birthday when he graced you with a body pillow of Edward Elric. The teasing stopped there, but not until after you’d hid the pillow in Jihoon’s closet for him to find one day.

“Do you remember when Jeonghan found that pillow in the closet?” Jihoon snorted, following the same track your mind had been on. You couldn’t help but giggle, remembering the shriek that woke the whole household, yourself included since you had stayed over. Jeonghan refused to talk to either of you for a week, only giving in once you promised to cook for him.

“Do you still have it?” You asked, unfolding your arms a little.

“I think Joshua stole it from me.”

This sent the both of you into another fit of laughter, one that ended with you clutching at your aching sides while Jihoon shook his head with a wide grin. You let yourself wonder for a fleeting moment why you’d ever let any of this go.

“Hey, uh…” when you looked up, the slightest bit of pink was beginning to tint his cheeks, “I’m sorry. For what I said last time. I didn’t mean it.”

“Just because you didn’t mean it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” You swallowed around the bitter taste in your mouth, “Not only were you patronizing but you were too stubborn to trust me.”

“It wasn’t you I didn’t trust-”

“I literally did nothing but encourage and support you throughout our entire relationship and then you turned on me and-”

“Y/N, listen.” He seemed calm but there was an edge to his voice that stopped you, “I had reason to believe you were in danger. I just- I did what I thought was best. And it didn’t exactly turn out the way I wanted it to, but what else was I supposed to do?”

“Talk to me! Or listen, at least.”

“Look where prolonged actions got us.”

“Think about where communication could take us.”

The room fell into a heavy silence as your proposition hung in the air between you. After a moment, Jihoon sighed and stood up from leaning on the arm of the couch, gesturing for you to take it instead. You moved to sit, watching as he rolled his desk chair over and sat as well, facing you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you and that I pushed you away. But I want you to understand that I don’t regret trying to protect you.”

“I do, and I’m sorry for running out like I did. It was immature.” You leaned forward to reflect his position, “But I want you to understand that I am capable of taking care of myself and that even though they shouldn’t be taken lightly, threats from people on the internet were not what we should have been worrying about.”

Jihoon nodded, settling back into his chair. You took the moment of mutual understanding as an opportunity to reflect on everything, which still felt somewhat surreal. The night that you’d broken up had been loud, embarrassingly, so in retrospect and while the words you’d used to rip into each other couldn’t be healed immediately, talking it over had softened the sting a little.

It had only been a month, but you couldn’t help but wonder at how much you’d changed during the time. Being away from Jihoon had made you realize how much you had depended on him before, that you’d never really experienced independence since becoming an adult because you’d been attached to him. The idea scared you at first, and the one person who you wanted to talk it out with had wanted nothing to do with you at the time.

One month really put four years into perspective. And yet, you still wanted him by your side. Just, maybe this time you’d handle it differently.

“So…” Jihoon’s soft laugh caught you by surprise.

“What?” you asked.

“Now we’re just two adults sitting in a tiny studio.”

“Don’t forget the fact that your friends are searching for a sweater that I use as a good luck charm.”

He chuckled again and you let the tension from before melt away as you joined in. After a moment you looked back up to see Jihoon looking back with a soft smile.

“I kind of missed this,” you admit.

He hummed and shifted in his seat, “If we’re on the same page, I’d be willing to give us another go.”

“Do you mind if we wait a little? I’d love to get back together eventually but I think we need some time to be ourselves for a while. Being twenty-one is way different than being seventeen.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” he nodded, “but will you still come over? It’s been weird not seeing you here for the past month.”

“I can do that.”

Just as Jihoon was about to say something else, a hesitant knock came from the door. It turned out to be Seungkwan, followed by Seungcheol, who both looked disheveled and defeated.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, we couldn’t find the sweater-” Seungkwan looked between the two of you, “We didn’t interrupt anything, did we?”

While Jihoon shook his head, you realized how sometime during the conversation, you’d somehow drifted closer together, to where now your knees brushed lightly when he turned in his chair.

“We took apart the whole room and closet, but it’s not here.” Seungcheol frowned, “sorry you came out here for nothing, Y/N.”

You glanced over to Jihoon, “It wasn’t for nothing.”

A victorious shout came from the living room and Seungcheol hurried out of the room to go check on what it was. Seungkwan turned back to you with a small smirk.

“I’ll go to, sorry about your sweater.”

You shrug, “It’s alright, I’ll find something else.”

He came over and gave Jihoon a small pat on the back before following after Seungcheol, ducking out of the way to avoid Jihoon’s hit.

“That’s sad,” you frown, “I was really hoping I could wear that sweater.”

“Are you sure it’s not in your apartment somewhere?”

You shook your head, “I checked everywhere, and I thought I wore it back here that one night, after our anniversary.”

Jihoon frowned, thinking. After a moment of glancing around the room, his eyes suddenly went wide and he stood, rolling the chair back to his desk before going over to the bookshelf. He took a box off of the bottom shelf and rummaged through it for a moment, reemerging with a folded cloth in his hand.

“Found it,” he said sheepishly.

“You were hiding it in here?”

“Not hiding it on purpose,” he handed the sweater back to you and you hugged it to your chest, “I found it while I was cleaning after you left. I didn’t know if you were going to come back for it and I didn’t want it getting mixed up with the other guys’ stuff…”

“So you brought it to your cave?” You giggled.

He mumbled, “It’s not a cave.”

“Whatever you say,” you giggled again before stepping over to him to place a small kiss to his cheek, “Thank you.”

He blushed but he didn’t move away, just looked down at the sweater in your hands.

“You know, you don’t need the sweater for good luck. I know you’ll get the job.”

“It’s nice to have, just in case.” You glanced at the clock on the wall across from you and noted the time, “I should probably get going.”

Jihoon understood, and you accepted his offer to walk you to the front door. When you passed through the living room, everyone was there, a large “Player 1 Victory” circled the screen and you could guess from the varying levels of celebration who was on either team.

“Hey, Y/N!” Jun called, turning everyone’s attention to you, “wanna jump in? Chan’s sulking because Minghao beat him and we need another player.”

“I’m not-”

“Actually, I was just about to leave,” you said, cutting off Chan before an argument all of its own started.

“Already?” Seokmin asked, his eyes darting to Jihoon.

“Yeah,” you turned to the boy beside you, “is it okay if I come over after the interview on Monday?”  
“We’d be glad to have you.” He smiled.

“I’ll be back soon, Seok.” You walked the rest of the way to the front door. Jihoon held it open while you waved goodbye before turning back to him, clutching the sweater close to you again.

“See you Monday?” he asked.

“See you Monday.”


End file.
